This house was built for laser tag.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
