I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
