dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
