my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
