It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
