6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
