why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
