I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
