Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I want her autograph on my taint
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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