If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
