im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
