he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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