We won't sleep together?
so that wasnt chicken after all
i think i have two assholes
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
