My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
