im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
