from now on my penis is your penis
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
