Joe is yelling at the trees again.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
