But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
