theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
