My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
