oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
