She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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