she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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