I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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