Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
