the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize