This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
