I think i peed on brittanys purse
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
