my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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