I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
