just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
