I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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