omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize