she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
