Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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