I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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