Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
