Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
