im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
