where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize