is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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