We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
