i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
