I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
