Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize