So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
