there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
