So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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