So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
sex in a hospital.. check
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
