if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i came on her dog
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
