3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
