I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
