It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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