pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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