Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
