There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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