Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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