I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
