Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
