i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
