I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
