in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
