When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
