she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
