someone owes me an orgasm
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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