I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
