therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize