Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
