Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
