girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
