I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
