I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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