I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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