you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
