I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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