i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
