i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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