guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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