Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
