I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
