god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I am available for nakedness
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
