i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
