dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
