hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
