Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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