he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
