Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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