I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize