Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
