i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
