my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
