it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
