fuck your aforementioned shoe
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
