Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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