I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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