i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
