you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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