My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
