Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
