I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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