So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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