It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
