My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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