I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
