So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
