i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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