im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
