it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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