You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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